December Catch Up!

December (and January for that matter) have flown by in a fog. We tried to keep everything as normal as we could for the kids while still dealing with our grief and emotions.

The boys had been asking for capes for quite awhile. They have figured out by now that if they want something made … to ask Grandma Cheryl. They did, and she did not disappoint. She even made one for the little miss.

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Griffin had his school Christmas program. They work really hard for the month before Christmas learning new songs and memorizing their parts. Then they put on an adorable program for the residents at the local nursing home. I was so proud of Griff this year. He memorized his part all on his own and made sure to speak loudly, slowly and clearly so everyone could hear. He is getting to be such a big, handsome guy!

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The kids kept themselves entertained on the cold yucky days playing together inside and being silly.

And helping Mom make cupcakes.

This is how I found Dax many days during the holidays. All curled up, blankie in mouth, watching a movie. (We are now limiting movies with much resistance!) He out of all the kids seems to be the most vocal about missing Grandma. I wish I could make it better for my little guy.

How do I begin?

I have put off and put off and put off writing this post for almost two months now. I just haven’t  been ready. And when I start to feel ready something else happens. It has been a vicious cycle. Everyone keeps telling me that trials are experienced in threes. We just attended our third funeral in six weeks, so you all better be right.

On Dec 4, my mother in law (who I really considered a second mom) passed away.

Jackie was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer during the summer of 2009. I remember finding out that I was pregnant with Navi and being in shock, and honestly not too happy. (We had planned on two, then had Dax as a surprise so decided to get an IUD. You can imagine my SHOCK when finding out I was once again pregnant!)

I knew I had to tell Jackie about the pregnancy, but was a little nervous. Since we lived two doors down from each other, we spent many summer days together and on this particular day I just felt I needed to tell her. I sat down in her family room and told her that I had something to tell her and that she may want to sit down. (I know, dramatic right?!) I proceeded very unenthusiastically and with tears in my eyes to tell her that we were having another baby. I remember her response like it was yesterday. She just smiled at me, told me it was going to be a girl, and that there were a lot worse things in life. At this time she knew about the cancer, but hadn’t told us yet.

As we have been on this journey with Jackie for the last couple years I have wished that I could go back in time and have a totally different attitude about my pregnancy. I have realized that in the big picture, how silly that was. And YES, things could have been worse, and they were.

From the very beginning she was tough. She never let us know the full extent of her illness, always trying to protect us. She went through surgeries, collapsed lungs, stays in the ICU, numerous different chemo treatments, ER visits, hundreds of doctor appointments, radiation, drainage tubes, oxygen, shots, blood transfusions, medications and so much more. She fought the fight like have never seen before. All with a positive attitude and smile on her face. Rarely if ever would you hear Jackie complain. I love her for this. I love that she fought and kept fighting even with a very grey outlook ahead. She died knowing that she did everything that she could.

A few months ago Jackie knew that her time was running out, and wanted to have a family picture done. Aren’t we glad we did? She looks beautiful in these pictures. You would never know how sick she really was. That was just Jackie. She could get all dolled up and put on a smile and fool just about anyone, even if it was only for a short time before she had to put her oxygen back on or go lay down.

I remember when we got the pictures back. We were looking through them and got to the singles of her. She leaned over to me and in a joking way (even though she was serious) said, “these are for my obits.” She was always planning, trying to make things easier on everyone else. She even wrote a large portion of her obituary, only leaving a few spots for us to fill in. Jackie was selfless. I hope I can be like her when I grow up.

The night Jackie passed was the hardest night of my life to date. I can’t imagine what she was thinking or feeling. I remember getting a phone call from Krista (Kasey’s sister) in the afternoon of the 3rd. She just said that mom wasn’t doing good and she was on her way over to see what was going on. At the time, Krista didn’t know how bad it was and said she would call me when she knew more, but I knew. I just had a pit in my stomach and I knew. I hysterically called my little sister. I don’t even know if I was making sense or not but she just said, “don’t worry, we are on our way.” Thank God for sisters. That was just enough to calm me down so that I was able to call Kasey and get him on his way home.

By the time I got there around 5 pm the whole family was there along with Jackie’s hospice nurse. We spent the night rallied together spending our last hours with Jackie. Saying it was hard is an understatement. There is no way of describing the pain until you have gone through it yourself. Jackie fought and fought all night until she finally let go early Sunday morning. We all agreed that she seemed so peaceful and were glad that she was finally free of pain and suffering, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

We cried more tears than I knew possible. My heart ached for Kent. They were such a perfect match and in his own words, he had been robbed. My heart ached for Krista. She now has the rest of her life without her mom. They were best friends. They did everything together and had such an amazing relationship. My heart ached for Kasey. Of coarse because he is my husband but also because I felt like he just wasn’t prepared. He was hoping she would pull out of it, and that wasn’t happening. He was a mamma’s boy now without a mamma. My heart ached for Jackie’s parents, Cheryl and Bob. She was their only daughter, and it’s just not supposed to happen that way. But most of all, I guess because I am a mom, my heart ached for my kids. Jackie was more than a Grandma to them, she was a second mom. She came to our house every single morning for over a year and sat with the little kids while I brought Mason to school. The kids would beg to walk over and see Grandma. She would take them for Ice cream and McDonalds and to see Christmas lights and to feed cows. We spent most of the summer in the kiddie pools in her backyard, eating pizza and popsicles and fresh peas from her garden and pouring buckets of water down grandma’s legs to cool her down. They loved spending time with Grandma. Even while she was sick they loved to go over and sit with her, color, or watch a movie. How was I supposed to tell my dear, precious little kids that Grandma had died? It was almost to much to think about.

The next week was a whirlwind that I don’t remember a lot of. We were busy getting everything ready for her services. And I couldn’t have done it without the help of my sisters and Mom. Everything pretty much went as planned and we got through it.

We are continuing to take things day by day. Trying to get back to normal. It is a new and evolving normal. We are bound and determined to lean on each other and make the best out of life. There are good and bad days, but I know Jackie is rooting for us and only wanting us to be happy. As hard as it is, life must go on.

I love you Jackie and am so proud to be your daughter in law. Til’ we meet again.

Thanksgiving

As I sit and try to write this … I have little words. Thanksgiving for us this year was not your normal Thanksgiving. Yes it was spent with family, yes we had the traditional turkey dinner, yes I tried keeping things normal for the kids and doing a craft or two with them, but as my mother in law Jackie grew sicker and more frail, we all truly counted our blessings (and even questioned them) as we spent our last days with her.

We spent the day over at Kent and Jackie’s along with Krista and Bobby (Kasey’s sis and her husband), Jackie’s parents Cheryl and Bob, and her brother Randy. We all pitched in and brought dinner. It was simple and delicious.

The kids made little egg carton turkeys for everyone a few days before and loved showing them off!

Every year Jackie makes the kids something to give them on Thanksgiving along with a new movie. This year she had Aunt Carla make them their own little sleeping bags. The kids LOVED them! They immediately unrolled them and set up camp. The sleeping bags had a little tag sewn onto each one that said “grandma loves me”. She never wanted them to forget.

 

All in all it was a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am so grateful to have spent it with people I love and to have created lasting memories.

 

Here is my attempt to get a good picture of Kasey and I . He was determined to not let that happen! This is why I love him … he keeps me smiling even during the toughest of times.

100 Things About Me!

I have been working on this post for quite some time (we are talking in years here) and thought why not finish it up and post it today ... the day after my 29th birthday! I saw this on a friends blog and thought it was such a cute idea! So here we go ... 100 things about me!!

1. I love to blog.

2. I love my quite time . . . ya know when all three boys four kids are asleep!
3. I love a good book, just wish there was more time to read.

4. My family is the most important thing in my world.

5. I like to be stylish, although many days I don't make it out of jammies :)
6. I love to get my hair done, especially the shampoo. That is the best!
7. I don't miss doing hair!
8. I love the baby stage at about 2-9 months (when they can smile and interact, but before the attitude comes)
9. I hate bananas. That texture . . . yuck!
10. I love to cook. And would love to take a cooking class one day.
11. My passion is decorating. Too bad it costs so much!
12. I dream about having a yard! OK not really but I will be one happy girl when we get it done! How funny that when I started writing this we didn't have a yard and now we do! It is a work in progress but I do love it!!

13. I love the funny thing that my kids say out of the blue! They keep me smiling.
14. I hate to clean (I should be doing this right now, but chose to blog instead)!
15. I love when my boys just get out of the bath, yak know that clean little boy smell!
16. I am a procrastinator.
17. I love living close to family, just wish I lived as close to my parents too! I guess you can't always have the best of both worlds!
18. I enjoy scrapbooking - but have fallen WAY behind :(
19. I'm not the best communicator, but am trying to do better.
20. I HAVE to have my kids on a schedule. When the schedule gets off, I get a little lot frazzled!
21. I would pick sweet over salty any day.
22. I love a good chick flick.
23. I enjoy working in the garden! It's so peaceful and a good time to get a tan!
24. I love spending time in Maui. Hopefully we'll get to go again soon!
25. I love going on vacation but hate getting ready to go!
26. I faithfully record and watch my favorite TV shows weekly! (Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Dancing with the Stars, & of course The Bachelor/Bachelorette ) I know I'm a dork!
27. I'm pretty computer illiterate, although I am working on it and trying to teach myself new things.
28. I hate my feet.
29. I love to find new recipes but always feel like I make the same thing over and over! I guess you have to with little kids!
30. I'm so thankful to have a family who accepts me for me!
31. I'm a sucker for Ice cream. Especially Cold Stone or peanut butter and chocolate from Baskin Robins!
32. I love love love the smell of coffee!
33. I'm excited to be am the "soccer mom" and go to all of my boys games and events and love it!
34. I'm definitely not a morning person, but I also have a hard time staying up late! I just need my sleep!
35. I have terrible vision . . . hopefully Lasik is in my future!
36. I am so thankful to have 3 . . . well 4 including my hubby, beautiful, healthy, and happy boys and my little miss!
37. I do the bills, and like being responsible for them.
38. I can not stand acrylic nails. How do people wear them?
39. I could eat Costa Vida every night for a month and not get sick of it! In fact Kasey just knows that this is the first meal I am going to want after giving birth ... and he of coarse gets it for me!
40. I love to see the finished product after working on a project.
41. I'm not big on spicy foods . . . I'm more of a "mild" kind of girl.
42. I love a night out with the girls, seeing how I'm surrounded by boys the most of the time!
43. I'm not a big talk on the phone person.
44. I hate leaving messages.
45. I have recently started wearing hats and liking them.
46. I change roughly 8 diapers a day (I know you're jealous) ... a year later it's more like 4. Yea!
47. I like my kids to look cute with their hair done when we go out. Does this always happen??? NO!
48. I am definitely NOT comfortable speaking in public.
49. I was born in San Jose, CA and lived there until about age 10.
50. I love the ocean.
51. I dated my husband for 3 years before we got married.
52. I have been happily married to the best guy ever for 8 years (9 in December).
53. My full name is Kristin Lisa Doyle Dahl. I like how my last name didn't change drastically. It was pretty easy to get used to.
54. I try my best to be organized, but don't always succeed.
55. I love my brother and sisters. I could spend days with them and be perfectly happy and I really hope my kids will be the same way.
56. I grew up thinking and saying that I would never live in the "country" . . . and here I am! But I love it and couldn't imagine living in a big city.
57. I can be quite stubborn.
58. I would love to be an interior designer one day. Maybe when my kids get a little older and I have more time. Will that ever happen?
59. I never carry cash with me.
60. I enjoy listening to the radio, but don't ask me who the artist is cause chances are I won't know.
61. I don't really like to shop, unless I am going for something specific. (or need a break ... then I LOVE to shop)
62. I wish I had a maid . . . I know, keep dreaming!
63. I will stay up until 2 am to make a birthday cake for my boys, but don't like to have to destroy all the hard work the next day! So I usually make an extra plain cake to cut into and the fun ones are just for looks.
64. I really, really like cake decorating.
65. I have a shaky hand when it comes to fine motor skills. Like painting my nails or decorating a cake!
66. I try to play with my kids as much as possible, so if you come over and my house is a disaster . . . I've been playing!
67. I wish I could have known my Grandma Miller. She died of cancer when I was about two.
68. I hate bugs. Especially bees and spiders.
69. I wonder about the economy. Who knew we would be paying $4 a gallon???
70. I love it when Mason and Griffin come home from school and has learned something completely new! They explain things in such a cute way and are quite talkative these days.
71. I will most likely get sick a few days before vacation. WHY? I don't know, but it has happened may times and now seems to be happening with my boys :(
72. I wish there was a cure for eczema. I feel so bad for my little guys and their itchy, painful, rashy spots! (Especially little Griff in the summer . . . he can barely wear shoes his feet are so bad)
73. I am not a worrier. I leave that up to Kasey:)
74. My favorite colors are anything warm and fallish. I love browns, reds, and oranges
75. I like to "people watch". It can be quite entertaining
76. I like to think that I'm very responsible, and when others are not, it bugs me
77. I want my kids to grow up being independent and loving. I think these are two very important qualities
78. I have been stuck on #78 for 2 years. WHAT? 
79. I love purses. But not enough to change them according to my outfit. I seem to rotate seasonally.
80. Although I grew up with many animals, I don't care to have any of my own.
81. I have learned in the past two years that I have two qualities that I am very thankful for; strength and courage.
82. I have a love for long, dangly earrings.
83. I love to watch my kids while they are sleeping. There is something so soothing and peaceful about a sleeping child.

84. I like how I feel when I exercise and eat healthy and notice a BIG difference when I don't.

85. I love chocolate. I could eat a piece after every meal. Especially lindt milk chocolate ... my mouth is watering!

86. I have had many hairstyles over the years. Right now it is longer than it's been in years and I am loving it.

87. I recently became a HUGE fan of sushi and even crave it.

88. I picked a great guy. He is a wonderful husband, daddy, and most of all friend.

89. I love browsing blogs and pinterest and spend way too much time doing it.

90. I need my quiet time every day. The kids nap in the afternoon for a couple hours and I don't know what I would do without this time!

91. I don't have a lot of girlfriends, but the few that I have I cherish. They are my girls and life would not be the same without them!

92. I love a good cup of coffee or green tea in the morning. There is something about a nice warm drink that helps start the day off right.

93. I tend to not be super outgoing. I like my little bubble! I guess it is just comfortable.

94. I get super shaky if I don't eat often. I have been told I am hypo glycemic and believe it. No skipping meals for me.

95. I get heartburn terribly with each pregnancy.

96. I enjoy playing a good volleyball match ... even if I am sore the next day!

97. I feel extremely lucky to be part of two amazing families. I know a lot of people struggle with in-laws and so I am very lucky to have married into such a great and loving family.

98. I have a knack for putting together a party. I love everything about it. The planning, the shopping, the cooking, the cake decorating, and the partying.

99. I love a good pedicure, but the manicure I could do without.

100. I love being a mom. As hard as it is, I feel very blessed to have four beautiful, healthy kids. They have my heart!

Wrapping up October

I love October. The weather is still nice, there are activities all month long, I start making a lot more soup, and burning my favorite fall scents. So I couldn’t move on to the winter months without recording all things October!

Pumpkin Carving

A ride on the fright train …

Home made birthday cards for Grandma Jackie (she has a Halloween birthday)

And of coarse Halloween itself!

Mason as Batman

Griffin as Spiderman

Daxon as a Mo Town Monster (his words … I have NO idea where he came up with the Mo Town part!)

Navi as a Strawberry

What Halloween Looks Like Around Here

As the kids get a little older they are getting more and more interested and excited about holidays.

Halloween is NO exception!

We decided to make our laundry room door into our artwork display door. We will rotate depending on the season or holiday. I am really loving this because it keeps everything contained to one place but also displayed in a spot that everyone can enjoy but it’s not in your face all the time. The kids also love it and are so proud when we hang their projects and artwork up on the door.

Dax thought it would be funny to become a pumpkin head. That is until the pumpkin got stuck on his head!

Griff’s preschool class had a Halloween program that they put on for the parents. They all dressed up in their costumes, sang the Halloween songs that they learned for us, and even did a Halloween dance. It was a lot of fun and Dax and Navi even go to dress up and trick or treat at the end.

This is what I got when I asked for a super hero pose.

 

We did a little photo shoot for my little pumpkin at 20 months. She is a true girl and loved every minute of it. She even says cheese as soon as she sees the camera.

And what would Halloween time be without some fun Halloween treats?! My sister made these bones for her kids and they loved them so I thought I would do the same. They are super easy to make and a lot of fun to eat!

We are off to a kids fright train tonight, carving pumpkins and making caramel apples tomorrow and finally trick or treating on Monday. It’s going to be a fun and busy weekend.

Happy Halloween!